QOTD 10 March

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QOTD 10 March

Postby Funky Fairy » Mar 10th, '17, 11:31 am

Are you the outspoken kind?

I am not.
No matter what the situation, I just can't speak out.
I just can not abide confrontation.
I'm a 'stick your head in the sand' kind of girl.

My sister upset me last weekend, so I just didn't answer her calls for a few days, dropped a text to say I'd been busy and then spoke when I was ready and pretended all was good.

I know it's not healthy, but I struggle so much.
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Re: QOTD 10 March

Postby SuzMannecke » Mar 13th, '17, 10:33 am

I don't like confrontations, (I think it's a select few who actually enjoy it truly and I honestly believe these people have some serious issues to overcome) but I will do so, and wholeheartedly so, if it is something that comes down to ethics, the core virtues of life, or if I deem someone is being hurtful/unhealthy mentally/verbally/physically to myself or others. I have gotten burned (persecuted is a better term) in the past by being honest to someone about how they had been behaving towards me. When I confronted them about their behavior, they were defensive and personally attacked me both online/email, and in real life to mutual friends, attempting to try to ruin my reputation and defame my character. I know now what I didn't fully realize then (even though my gut was telling me what I was sensing was true) was just how unbalanced, unhealthy, and insecure the person was for lashing out the way that they did towards me. The person played the victim role when confronted rather than taking responsibility for the own behavior. I have moved past it as a lesson learned that you when you decide to confront or communicate to someone, be prepared for the aftermath. Confronting someone in a healthy manner only can lead to a positive outcome with mentally healthy people in the end. It's sort of like trying to rationalize with a terrorist. Trying to talk peace with them is never going to work. Irrational minds can't be rational.
Bottom line, if someone's behavior is really bothering you, hurting you, or is simply unhealthy for you, either confront them or re-evaluate whether or not the relationship is worth keeping or not. You have to do what's healthiest for you and maintains your authenticity. Going against what your heart/gut is telling you will only hurt you more in helping you be the best person you can be, the most authentic person you can be, in the long run. I set boundaries. Especially with family (since they are family and not going anywhere -- you can't choose them like friends, right?! LOL) -- boundaries are set and I am polite/civil and let them know I will talk to them when they can speak to me civilly, calmly, and in a healthy manner. If the person isn't capable of that, I do what I need to do to that is best for my mental health and well-being. It is not being selfish. It is loving yourself enough to set boundaries and to be authentically you. To go against what you are feeling is only hurting you in the long run. (Just my opinion and only shared to try to help others).
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Re: QOTD 10 March

Postby DeniseM » Mar 18th, '17, 6:49 pm

Yeah that's hard Lisa! Sorry you had a hard time with your sister.

It depends for me. I have learned that some people do not know how to communicate. I actually am still learning for myself! People talk about setting boundaries but what I have learned is that boundaries are for me to set for myself, not for me to set for other people.

For instance, if I have a person who upsets me because they talk about things that bother me, I can set a boundary for myself to not talk about those things. Which means I have to be responsible to make choices that are best for me. That means, leaving politely, or if I am on the phone-saying I need to go and hanging up. I can't control other peoples behavior but I can control mine. It's so hard!! I ask myself, why can't they just do/say/act the way that I want?????????

My goal is to have honest, intimate relationships with people in my life. That means being myself. That also means accepting people as they are. If someone is so toxic and horrible I can't manage it......then I don't have them in my life. I can't change them. If it's someone I truly love than it is more complicated. Ultimately though, I can't change other people. Only myself. If I don't like something, I can speak honestly about that and try to understand that they don't have to understand.

It's so hard!!!! hugs Lisa.
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