Big Birthdays

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Big Birthdays

Postby Funky Fairy » Feb 4th, '15, 5:27 am

I have a big birthday coming up next month and it's starting to stress me out.

How have you celebrated special birthdays in the past?

It's giving me this kind of 'New Years' feeling. You know that feeling when you feel like you should be doing something amazing and you feel under pressure to have an amazing time but it all turns out to be an anti climax.

It's all started when a friend told me to take a day off work as she's taking me to [urlhttp://www.dorchestercollection.com/en/afternoon-tea/5-the-dorchester-afternoon-tea/?LBPromotionid=71184=]The Dorchester[/url] for afternoon tea.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I really don't want to go :(
It's sent me in to panic. Firstly, the ultra posh thing really isn't me. I'm more of a cozy coffee shop kind of girl. Someone I can wear my jeans and cons and not feel like everyone is looking and judging.
And secondly I really don't want to go in to London on my own.
My friend lives in London already so I would have to get there. Trains/tubes. I'm ok doing that with other people but I wouldn't want to do it alone.

Then Ade's parents have said the same. They want to take us out for lunch at the very posh http://www.pennyhillpark.co.uk/EXCLUSIVE_HOTELS/the_hotel.aspxPennyhill%20Park%20Hotel near us.
I have that same feeling about the whole posh/judged thing.

I said to Ade, I'd be happy to have the day off work and watch 'The Walking Dead' and then go bowling and dinner with the kids when they finish school. It sounds so boring though.

We are going to my family at the weekend after my birthday. The kids are going to Mums and we are staying at a hotel nearby. It's a cheap and cheerful hotel chain over here. $50 a night but we love it. It's clean and simple. White crisp bed linen, really cozy beds and pillows. We love this chain and they do the best buffet breakfasts ever and the kids eat free. So all the family are joining us for breakfast the next morning. Mum, her hubby, my brother and my sister and her family. Then we are all going back to my sister's for our first family Florida 2017 meeting.

That was what I wanted for my birthday treat. Everyone having breakfast together and then to start our Florida planning.

I'm not quite sure how to handle this friend thing without sounding rude and ungrateful.
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby LauraC » Feb 4th, '15, 6:43 am

She's probably so excited to take you Lisa and thinks you will be delighted too. I don't know what advice to give you on that one. The family overnight and Disney planning sounds wonderful though!
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby Funky Fairy » Feb 4th, '15, 7:39 am

Thanks Laura.

Did you do anything big on your 40th?
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby antenucci » Feb 4th, '15, 10:29 am

I like your idea better Lisa!
We have a couple that wants to take us to a fancy dinner for their Christma present to us, we keep putting it off - the whole clothes issue and then getting a babysitter, just not worth it. So I get you, good luck!

My 40 is next year, I would love something big! Maybe I should start hinting to hubby ;)
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby SuzMannecke » Feb 4th, '15, 10:45 am

Happy big birthday to be Lisa! You do have yourself a bit of a situation because your friend wants to give/to do something special for you and not doing it would steal away from her the joy of giving. But I guess, if it does really make you feel uncomfortable you could perhaps suggest to her that while you think it is an incredibly generous and thoughtful gesture, is there somewhere more casual that you could go. I mean, if you two have open and honest communication, I think she would be open to that, wouldn't she?
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby iskawire » Feb 4th, '15, 11:19 am

Wow - that is tough. But I am glad you have people that want to celebrate you!

Wonder if you could say that the big day has got you re-evaluating things and that you would like to do something special with her but wondered if she might help you accomplish a bucket list item or maybe do something that might draw less attention to the big day. That you love the idea of it, but that you'd love to do the posh event for a shared occasion? Or save that sort of big celebration for the next milestone? Tricky and sticky.

I turn 40 in Sept. Yikes! We are going to Greece to celebrate - and don't think this is an everyday thing for me - we have been planning and saving for 6 years to go. But I am planning it so I am getting a good bit of say in what we are doing. There are 10 of us going - basically the whole family. So I suppose start in the summer it will be nothing but travel layouts for the rest of the year from me!

Happy early birthday to you Lisa!

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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby LauraC » Feb 4th, '15, 11:22 am

Funky Fairy wrote:Thanks Laura.

Did you do anything big on your 40th?


aaahh my 40th. I remember it well. We struggled with finances for a lot of years. I kind of lost myself with raising kids and trying to make ends meet. I lived in a large urban area. Drove out a drug dealer who lived next door by working with our City and County SWAT teams. Got to be friends with the area Police Captain (as a side note, he became the Chief of Police and our paths crossed professionally for many years after that). Friends with an undercover cop who kept our place in his regular rotation. Stopped by the ER room once to check on us when one of my kids was there for a broken ankle. Made friends with a woman down the street. People in town aren't as friendly as small town peeps are and very hard to make friends. Anyway, she made me a GORGEOUS double wedding ring quilt for my 40th birthday. It was the year I figured out that I needed to start taking care of myself and putting me first and not everyone else. My friend went with me to get my upper ears pierced. She also went with me to buy a bottle of deep purple and a bottle of flashy gold Victoria Secret nail polish. It was spendy. It was flashy for a woman who was looking very matronly and "Mommy". The year I decided that even though I was aging gracefully, I was still "cool" and I was still the girl I was at age 18. Just older and wiser. I never ever let go of that again.

Probably longer than you were asking Lisa but it was a big turning point for me. I never ever let my age define me ever again.
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby jjflair » Feb 4th, '15, 12:05 pm

Oh my! I think Iska has some great ideas on how to approach that, Lisa.
I'm with you--your plan for birthday fun sounds awesome! I remember one birthday when Mike was out of town and I took the kids to a museum exhibit of animals made out of recycled things. I loved it--right up my alley, and just how I wanted to spend the day.

I honestly can't remember my 40th. ??? I don't think I was scrapbooking yet. I probably have some notes on an old calendar or journal. Oh, yeah! Mike was traveling again (there is a bicycle industry tradeshow that was always the week of my birthday for many years.) I went to coffee with two ladies who I don't know very well but we worked at the elementary school together and they were very supportive when Jeremy was at the high point of behavioral bat-poop craziness before he was finally diagnosed with autism. I didn't even tell them it was my birthday. I felt so terribly alone and isolated during this period of my life, and yet whenever I looked down, there was always a net of women there to catch me, who did not abandon me. Many of Jeremy's friends and their families took a wide berth when we were struggling. I actually reconnected with them by chance in December. Those two are a rare breed of goodness, I tell ya!

Laura, I loved hearing about your 40th year! Bravo to you!! Very empowering story!
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby Funky Fairy » Feb 4th, '15, 4:16 pm

LauraC wrote:
Funky Fairy wrote:Thanks Laura.

Did you do anything big on your 40th?


aaahh my 40th. I remember it well. We struggled with finances for a lot of years. I kind of lost myself with raising kids and trying to make ends meet. I lived in a large urban area. Drove out a drug dealer who lived next door by working with our City and County SWAT teams. Got to be friends with the area Police Captain (as a side note, he became the Chief of Police and our paths crossed professionally for many years after that). Friends with an undercover cop who kept our place in his regular rotation. Stopped by the ER room once to check on us when one of my kids was there for a broken ankle. Made friends with a woman down the street. People in town aren't as friendly as small town peeps are and very hard to make friends. Anyway, she made me a GORGEOUS double wedding ring quilt for my 40th birthday. It was the year I figured out that I needed to start taking care of myself and putting me first and not everyone else. My friend went with me to get my upper ears pierced. She also went with me to buy a bottle of deep purple and a bottle of flashy gold Victoria Secret nail polish. It was spendy. It was flashy for a woman who was looking very matronly and "Mommy". The year I decided that even though I was aging gracefully, I was still "cool" and I was still the girl I was at age 18. Just older and wiser. I never ever let go of that again.

Probably longer than you were asking Lisa but it was a big turning point for me. I never ever let my age define me ever again.


I can never tire of your stories Laura. If you are happy to tell, then I'm always happy to listen. Thank you. Sounds like quite a time in your life. Rather different to how things are now from what I know of your life.

40 does feel like a turning point doesn't it? I Know it's only a number, but it does feel like a new chapter.
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby LauraC » Feb 4th, '15, 4:19 pm

It really was a chapter for me. I hope you remember that it's just a number. It does not define the awesome woman you are Lisa.
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby Funky Fairy » Feb 4th, '15, 4:27 pm

jjflair wrote:I honestly can't remember my 40th. ??? I don't think I was scrapbooking yet.


Really??
I was thinking we were of similar age?

Funny how friendship circles change. You often find out who your real friends are when the sh$t hits as they say.

My 30th I was alone. I was with my ex and I didn't even get a card. That was normal for him.
He was never home. A really good friend who I had met through the first baby group when we were expecting our firsts invited me to hers and made us pizza. She's such a lovely lady. A real gem. They moved to Saudi and are now in Australia. We've kept in touch and meet up for coffee when she's over. I don't think she realises how much I've valued her friendship over the years though.
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby Funky Fairy » Feb 4th, '15, 4:30 pm

LauraC wrote:It really was a chapter for me. I hope you remember that it's just a number. It does not define the awesome woman you are Lisa.


Thanks Laura.
I think the thing I'm struggling with the most is that my baby days are over now.
I always thought we'd have a child together and it wasn't to be.
Now that I'm turning 40 I know it really won't happen now.
I just need to get on with it though and enjoy what we have.
Everytime I think like that I tell myself that we would never have had all those amazing Florida trips if #3 had come along. :)
I just need to be grateful for the 2 I do have.
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby nittygrittyjody » Feb 4th, '15, 4:53 pm

You are going to be great at being 40, Lisa! You are awesome at any age!

I love that you have people who want to celebrate you in your life now- even if it does seem a bit extravagant. I was having kind of similar thoughts about the trip I am going on to Palm Springs in just a few weeks. I dragged my feet and made excuses for over a month.
My hubby had a response back for each one and I was thinking that it too is more $$ than I want or need to spend. I can be way too practical about finances and never look to spend on myself for big items. A nice pair of shoes a few years ago or a hair cut at a salon feels like enough spoiling to me!

But then he said it- "I want to be with you...I want this for us." And it made me realize that it's not just about the $, but about the time spent that you can never get back. So maybe you can go and indulge yourself and even enjoy a bit of a glitzy time, all the while knowing that it's the friendship and people that matter and care for you most.

That's my spin on it and I just turned 42 in December, so I think I am wise about this. ;)

Loved the stories in this post and other thoughts about your day. I hope that no matter what you end up doing that you will know and feel very loved! Even from across the ocean too! xoxo
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby jjflair » Feb 4th, '15, 5:58 pm

Funky Fairy wrote:
jjflair wrote:I honestly can't remember my 40th. ??? I don't think I was scrapbooking yet.


Really??
I was thinking we were of similar age?

Funny how friendship circles change. You often find out who your real friends are when the sh$t hits as they say.

My 30th I was alone. I was with my ex and I didn't even get a card. That was normal for him.
He was never home. A really good friend who I had met through the first baby group when we were expecting our firsts invited me to hers and made us pizza. She's such a lovely lady. A real gem. They moved to Saudi and are now in Australia. We've kept in touch and meet up for coffee when she's over. I don't think she realises how much I've valued her friendship over the years though.


I'm turning 47 this year!! I also try to remember that it's just a number, but the birthdays that end in a 7 are big one's to me---not because I am superstitious, but because they have four syllables, and that makes them a mouthful. (I know. I'm weird.) :D
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby okmama » Feb 4th, '15, 6:58 pm

I found turning 40 very liberating. I became less influenced by the judgement of strangers and acquaintances. Loved that. Not much help on what to do on the actual day, though. I was in hospital, the day after my last c-section. I told Don, as long as there was cake and balloons, it was good. :D

Your family weekend sounds like a wonderful plan. I wouldn't worry too much about the actual day. As long as there's cake, that is. ;)
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby DeniseM » Feb 4th, '15, 9:47 pm

I goodness I have no advice what so ever! Listen to the wise ones on this Lisa.
I am turning 48 this year. I don't feel old at all. Turning 40 felt awesome to me. I hope you have a wonderful time no matter what you do Lisa!

Funny thing is my dear friend Adrienne who shares my birthday month took me to a beautiful tea house in New Haven. I loved it! I probably would not have chosen it but we had such a lovely time. It was really fun. I am pretty comfortable in any setting though.

How wonderful to be planning another family trip!
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby jbonomo » Feb 5th, '15, 1:47 am

Happy 40th, Lisa! Enjoy your special day (you certainly deserve it) no matter what you decide to do.....as Jody said, this time will never come again. For my 40th, hubby planned a surprise party (which I'm not a fan of, being the center of attention), it made him happy so I sucked it up......turned out to be fun to have all our friends together in one place.

I warned him not to do that again! Well, guess what happened when I turned 50? You guessed it!

Last weekend a friend turned 62 and he planned well in advance to take his closest friends to his favorite restaurant to celebrate. Turned out they were fully booked but they could cater the food. It was one of the best times: good friends, good food & wine, reminiscing about past times in a very relaxed setting. So in a couple of years, I'm planning my own party.......

Hope all works out the way you want.......at the very least, there will be lots of memories to scrap.
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Re: Big Birthdays

Postby Funky Fairy » Feb 5th, '15, 4:18 am

Thanks ladies :)

Jody, I love that you are going away with your hubby to Palm Springs.
It must be so rare when you have a larger family to have that time alone.
You both deserve it.
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